Yes. That’s right! You can learn how to use your loneliness to actually help you win big things in your life.
When the going gets tough and you feel like no one cares or understands, the best things you can do is pummel through.
Today I’m going to be talking about something that I see quite frequently in actually social media on my social media pages and my Facebook groups that I’m in. Not only do I see others talk about it but I have felt it, too!
I have felt lonely in places where I didn’t need to feel lonely and it kind of ruined the situation, the journeys that I was experiencing at that time. And through that, I have kind of learned to overcome this feeling of loneliness. And I want to share that with you today.
I’m going to share:
* How to use your loneliness to actually help you win big.
* Why being lonely and embracing it can actually be a great thing for you!
You just need to know how to embrace it and I’m going to share that with you.
Douglas Coupland said, “Remember the time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself lives cruelest irony.”
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Why Might You REALLY Be Feeling Lonely?
First of all, why are you feeling lonely and where you might be feeling lonely? Because the truth of the matter is you could be in a crowded room and still feel like you’re the only one there. Like no one’s even seeing you.
And that’s the first symptom of loneliness – when you aren’t feeling seen or heard, but you have people all around you and that might make you feel like you’re not thankful or grateful. But in all honesty it’s just a sign of loneliness and there’s a way that I’m going to share in a little bit to kind of overcome that feeling.
Next underlying symptom is you might be feeling exhausted or burnt out. I’ve definitely felt that before at the end of the garden, the long garden season when I was just running, running, running or you know going to go shows or state fair, there was a run in there where we were going constantly. We even showed two different shows and the same week one at the beginning of the week and one at the end and so when we were done with that run I was definitely feeling exhausted by the end of it and that can kind of lead to that feeling of loneliness as well.
The next is definitely negative feelings of so self doubt or self worth. You might be feeling not as worthy or that you just want to quit everything because you’re not up to the task. So that can definitely be an underlying symptom. You just need somebody to hold your hand through it.
Or maybe you feel like you don’t have a best friend or anyone close to you that you know that person that totally gets you. Maybe you don’t have that person and that makes you feel only to heal. All these feelings are awful feelings. I felt every single one of them. And I’m here today to tell you though that there’s definitely ways to get through those feelings of loneliness and really get back to what you’re put on this earth to do. Because that is where you want to be, right? You don’t want to be feeling lonely and sad all the time. So I’m here today to tell you that, that there’s ways to get through that and to push through and you are going to be amazed.
So first of all, fun fact, did you know that loneliness is just as lethal as smoking 15 cigarettes a day? I couldn’t believe that when I read that. But it’s true. If you let this, these feelings of loneliness take over your life, it’s there’s a chance that you could enter a depression and eventually go deeper and deeper and deeper into that. I know we’re getting into a season where loneliness can set in and keep building and building and building on each other. There’s been lots of, lots of times when I felt lonely, one significant time was when I was away from my family for graduate school and I was six hours away and it was an awful feeling.
I was Lonely in Graduate School
So I want to be real with y’all though. I’ve come a long way through loneliness, patterns of loneliness. My grad school experience was the beginning of a long journey through loneliness.
I was six hours away from my family and everybody that I loved and it was the loneliest I’ve ever felt in my life. And quite honestly, it nearly ruined my experience.
Being down there at grad school. I wished that I would have known now what I knew then because I was miserable there and it definitely kept me from making friends and really getting involved in the social scene. It kind of prevented me from putting myself out there and making new acquaintances and finding new opportunities. I had one goal in mind and it was to finish. I knew I wanted to finish. There were times that I just wanted to quit – throw the towel and head back. I was so homesick and so incredibly lonely for my family, but I did finish.
I took the fast road. My advisor helped me and we finished in a year and a half. I wished that I would have, like I said, known then what I know now about loneliness because it really kind of is a gift and I’m going to explain that too. It’s a gift that we need to embrace because during that time I did sort of start to find myself, but I could have been more so much more and done so many more amazing things than I did because of my loneliness.
So, I am very proud of myself for sticking through it because I know a lot of times when we’re so lonely, all we can think about is just getting back, being done with what we’re going through. More often than not, people won’t finish something because we’re so lonely and, and inspired and we want to be anywhere, but where we are right now.
So I know that’s a big thing too. You can push through and finish something that will help improve your self esteem and maybe even combat some of that loneliness too. So that’s a pretty significant time in my life where I felt super lonely.
I was Lonely when I Quit My Job to Stay Home with My Kids
The other time was when I became a stay at home mom. And if you’ve been listening to the Rural Women Inspired Podcast, you know I’ve been pretty open about the transition from working as an extension agent for seven years, which was my dream job by the way.
So, when I quit that job to stay home with my children, I didn’t know it was going to hit me that hard. I didn’t know that I was going to fall into that feeling of extreme loneliness, which would essentially lead to my anxiety and some depression moments that I felt while, and those first initial stages. My husband was working a lot so I was definitely feeling alone as a mama at home with two with a toddler and a newborn baby plus a farm to take care of as well. When something would happen with one of the animals or somebody would drive in, it was some tough moments there. But I got through it and I’m excited to tell you how I did it because actually like the quote above said, loneliness is actually really good, but it’s all about you and how you embrace it.
How I’ve Overcame Loneliness
And I’ve definitely learned that the hard way. If I would have just embraced smile, loneliness and actually, you know, worked through it the way that it’s supposed to be worked through and embraced it. Then my experience down in grad school and as an brand new stay at home mommy would be so much different.
The different things that I have learned through this journey came to me through podcasts, all the different podcast I listened to, audio books, which you can get my reading list that of all the books I recommend for if you’re feeling lonely or anxious or anything like that.
Go Here for my Recommended Reading List
All the books that have helped me to push through all of that loneliness and anger and to feel more strong and inspired. Different daily strategies such as meditating and counting my blessings and just feeling closer to my higher power, which is God.
Really getting to know HIM and know that HE is with me. I’m not alone. I’m not alone when I’m doing chores. I’m not alone when I am out in the garden, you know, it’s, it’s becoming clear of who put you on this earth and why you’re there and in that you’ll find your purpose.
So the first thing that I really, really started doing was getting out of my own head. So I started listening to podcasts and audio books. I found that the first audio books I listened were Lysa TerKeurst Uninvited Book. And that is the best book to start out with if you’re feeling super lonely. And I do audio books obviously, cause I’m a mom and it’s difficult for me to sit and read without being interrupted.
But I can turn on an audio book while I’m doing dishes or, or cleaning or even being out in the garden. And the kids think that I’m listening to the radio so they don’t bother me. They just keep on playing. But if I’m sitting for a minute here, they come wanting me to do something for them or something. So audio books work really well for me, so go over to that list and check out some of those books. Brene Brown is another author that has helped me so much to get out of my own head and just be my be my own self and that’s what it all comes down to. I think for so long, and this could be the case with you too, I was living for other people. Always trying to impress other people, wanting to live for others and not for myself, not for God and why he put me on this earth.
I believe we are all made by God and put on this earth for a purpose, but the trouble is he doesn’t tell us what that purpose is and that’s where we can get stuck. But we can sit in the quiet, in the loneliness and really listen and hear what that is, what that, that we’re trying to find that we’re put on this earth to do. And that’s the amazing feeling of it. It’s right there. There’s just so much noise out in the world today that we don’t hear it and we don’t, we don’t see it. So another, another thing that I have done to help with this as to limit my social media. And I do have a community if you want to join, if you’re feeling lonely and social media helps you.
Join the Rural Women Inspired Podcast Community!
It’s the rural women inspired community. So head on over there and you can join and, and meet some other lovely ladies who might be feeling the same way.
I have been limiting my Facebook usage. I have taken the app off my phone and an effort to use less of it. I know that may seem crazy to some of you, but being able to get out of my own head and to really, to really connect with God my higher power and all the blessings that he’s given me, I just keep seeing new blessings. We’re given new blessings daily from God, our higher power. And it’s amazing that a lot of us don’t see them because we’re so busy in our day to day, but we don’t take the time to actually see what we’re given. And that is something that I’ve tried to do better at practicing gratitude and really seeing my blessings and making me see that I do have something to live for.
That’s been something that’s really, really helped me to rise up to. Another thing that’s obviously very helpful is exercise. Exercise can also help you feel better, can help you feel more motivated. And you might meet some people at the gym and maybe have some coffee time after your workouts or workout together or whatever you might be needing. If you crave people, you know that social community that you’re looking for face to face, you might be able to find it there while getting that adrenaline rush that is good for you.
So those are some ways to combat loneliness. Again, as I have mentioned, I combat my loneliness by connecting with God my higher power. That is the number one way and I’m not meaning this to be a faith episode, which I believe that I believe wholeheartedly that faith is how we get through our day. I know that we have some hard days out here and we need something to help us get through it, especially if we’re feeling lonely.
That is huge. If we’re feeling like we’re alone and there’s no one else that’s going to reach out and take your hand, then that I know that feeling, too. That feeling that we can do anything by ourselves, but the reality is you can only do so much by herself. That’s the reality of it. We weren’t put on this earth to do everything by ourselves. And there are things that we need help with and you should never ever be ashamed or afraid to ask for it, whether that be from a person or from God. So God gives us things that, that we can handle. But we have to ask him some times for the help if we feel like we can’t do it. So when I became a stay at home mom and I had a baby and a toddler, it was very rough because I was so lonely.
I was, you know, and a lot of you might feel this way too. I was not in the mindset yet to appreciate what I have and to know that God is right there carrying me through it. So I did struggle. But there was one day where I was having a particularly rough day and I just said out loud, “God, please help me with this.” Please help me with this.
And you know what he did? It was amazing. Whatever I was doing, I don’t even remember if I was pulling a goat kid or or getting some equipment like a tractor stuck out of the mud. I don’t remember what it was, but it was in the winter. I remember it was tough and I asked and HE delivered and that was the most amazing feeling. That’s why I can sit here today and and say that whatever your higher power is, ask and you shall receive along with that, knowing what our blessings are and thanking our higher power for our blessings every day is so important because we can all live our days without appreciating what we’re given, but it’s going to be a pretty dark and lonely road through it all.
Even so, no matter what, no matter who’s in our life and what we’re seeing at the time, we have to take a step back and look around us and see what it is that we’re given. Every day is a gift and we should be so happy and blessed to be in this, in this world and you are doing or I think you are, and doing what you’re put on this earth to be just in your own way. So I want to tell you today, I want to give you some, some friendly Mindy advice to get out of your own head. Get out of your own head and maybe set, just sit in the silence for a little while and just let your thoughts pour in. And in those thoughts, you’re going to hear something that you were meant to do, some ideas going to pop into your head that you were meant to do.
And if it feels good to you, I want you to go do it. Because that is exactly how you find what your purpose is. Those ideas and thoughts that pop into your head, you know, if it’s for your family or for others, those that is that purpose. We’re on this earth, I believe, to be of service of others and to help others. And especially if you’re being lonely, that can be just the solution that you need to feel like you’re whole and to feel like you’re a great person because you are a great person and that I know that feeling of loneliness is makes you feel like you aren’t. And that’s not a good feeling at all. I know it’s not. You are a great person. You just need to find that person. And I hope that I’ve given you some ways to help you do it today, to help you find and connect with that person that you’re meant to be.
Because again, if we’re in our head and we’re feeling lonely, we’re not feeling fulfilled. And that fulfillment can come from deep, deep down inside. We’re not finding that. And his might sound a little out of the ordinary, but honestly it’s been the best thing that I have done. You know, I see women, especially this time of year, women farmers or farm wives get on social media and say how lonely they are when their husbands or partners aren’t ever home. They’re in the field all the time working. And maybe you know, maybe there’s ways that you can get involved in, in the farming so you don’t have to be so lonely. I don’t know what that might look like for you, but I just want you to know that there is something more for you than feeling lonely, filling that loneliness and you’re just not finding it yet. But there is something out there for you and I want you to get out of your own head and listen.
Take Some Time To Do Nothing for Just a Sec
Really listen to your heart and see what that is. Okay? So take a breath and sit in the silence for a little bit. Even if you have to get up a little early, just kind of sit there and, and just listen. Listen to your breathing and feel those ideas start rolling in. I hope this wasn’t too much of a woo woo episode for you. I don’t know what they call it, but it’s crazy.
I was never a woo girl either. But just taking, taking a breath and listening to what’s inside, it really does help and it’s helped me to be a better farmer, business owner. Mom. I’ve been the happiest the past three months that I’ve ever been and not because I was not podcasting, but just I’ve been practicing listening to God and myself and less time listening to social media.
I’m more in tuned and presence with my family at the events we’ve been going to and the fun we’ve been having all summer and now it’s fall and it’s time to get back to work. I plan to be just as present that then because we have some big projects.
We’re all on social media so much and seeing what other people, other people put things into our head too and we need to just stay in our own. Um, we need to count our blessings and really sit and listen and let the ideas flow in for what we’re supposed to do. And some of the ideas may be crazy like, I don’t know, like building a high tunnel or, or a building, a new heated room and our shed, those are some of the big projects we’re going to be doing. So um, if you want to follow some of those too.
Join me here on Instagram
Instagram isn’t as much of a time hog as Facebook was. So I still have my Instagram app and I plan to do more stories over there.
So head over and follow me over their farm.
Loneliness is How You Find Yourself!
Remember that this loneliness is a time that you need, you need this time to figure out what you’re put on this earth to do. And I know that sounds really ironic but it is a time where you need to focus on you. So I hope that you’ll take what I’ve talked about in this, take my experiences and believe that you are made for more and that you can find herself through the loneliness just by listening and putting your own ideas back into your head of, of ways that you can be more fulfilled for. And I hope that this has helped you so much like it has helped me. I’m blessed to share my experiences, my story in a way that will help you.
I hope that it will help you and I’d love it if you could let me know if it does help you. You don’t have to try it if you don’t want to, but if you are feeling like there’s nothing else that helps, I would highly, highly encourage you to try cause you’re not going to be out anything if it doesn’t work for you. So let me know if it does and I will catch you the next time.
Friend, Thank you so much for listening today! I’ll be back next week. Hone Your Dreams, Own your Life and I’ll see you down the road. BYE!